I feed the animals outside my house (squirrels, birds, chipmunks). A little over a month ago I found an ill chipmunk in my yard. I took him in to try to care for him. He seemed like he was dying, so I just did what I could to make him comfortable - give him a soft, comfy bed, plenty of food and water, a safe, comfortable home. I prayed over him, ran energy, used U-Nan, gave him Reiki and healing touch. I would gently pet him and he seemed to love it. Lo and behold, instead of dying, he began to get better! I put him in a bigger cage so that he could get more exercise to make him strong so that I could release him back into the wild. Yesterday, he started climbing up the sides of the cage and I thought that was a good indication that he was ready to be released. Today I took him outside and let him out in the yard. He kept going around in circles (that's what he did all the time and that is part of what is wrong with him - I think he might have some kind of neurological disorder). He was being very active and he looked happy, like he was having fun, but I realized that he was still not ready to be left out alone by himself. He was running around and playing in the yard for hours and then all of a sudden he disappeared. I was careful to make sure there wasn't any way for him to go through the fence to my neighbor's yard, because they have dogs. I blocked up most of the holes I saw that I thought he might get through, but he really wasn't even going close to that area by the fence. Well, I guess there was a hole that I missed and he wound up getting into my neighbor's yard. My neighbor was in the front and I told him. He looked for the chipmunk but didn't find him. A few minutes later his wife said they found him dead, that the dogs killed him. I asked them to give me the chipmunk back and I gave him a respectable burial.
I feel so SICK about this. I can't stop crying and I don't know how to get over it because his death was MY FAULT. I do not know how to make peace with this situation. It was MY FAULT - it was MY RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he was safe and I FAILED. I do not know how to make peace with this. The little chipmunk that I have been caring for for over a month, who I nursed back to life is now dead because I was neglectful. I guess I need to forgive myself but how can I forgive myself when what I did cost this little animal his life. To me, that's unforgivable. I am in such a deep depression now and am looking for some way out of it because I do not have a clue how I can get over this dreadful experience and what I did (or should I say, didn't do).

I'm sorry for your loss, Silvia. You took very good care of him for a long time. You did what you thought was best -- let him out to play and to exercise. You took care to be as protective as you know how. You did a good job, the best job you knew how to do.

(((((((((((((((((((((Silvia)))))))))))))))))

Hugs too.

You know, you did the best you could, and that is good enough! It does sound like the little guy had some brain injury and/or some forms of parasites can cause that circling or twirling behavior. If that was the case, he most likely would not have survived in the wild anyway.....it is always survival of the fittest in nature, and perhaps he had a disorder that would have made him easy prey in the wild.

You did say he was found ill in the yard, and that is Mother Nature's way of sorting out the fittest ones.

Think of the pleasure you had, nurturing another, think of all you learned about chipmunks, about feeding, about running energy on animals, what you learned about yourself, even. He turned out to be a good teacher, yes?

The loss is hard, but NOT YOUR FAULT. You more than met any responsibility you had for promoting his health and welfare...no vet could have done more. He was sick and impaired when you found him, and you gave him a whole month of life that he would not have had, if you had just let him be.

So please, congratulate yourself for a job well done, for good lessons learned, and wish him well, and let him go. Mother Nature did her thing, just accept that that is truth...I feel that it is. Ma Nature had a plan, you were part of the plan, you did your part, Chip did his part, and so release him to his destiny, give a smile and a pat yourself on the back, and move forward.

Easy for me to say, huh. I speak from experience, stories much the same as this. Much love to you, you wonderful NOT-neglectful person!!!

Hey my dear, I'm not going to repeat the wise words of those who have already responded, I'll just say that death, my dear, is not a tragedy!

Silvia, I've been thinking about this for a couple of days. Here is something that may also help you to sort out the stuff about FAULT and RESPONSIBILITY.

When we do healing work, any healing work, we do not heal anyone. Remember that the healer is ALWAYS the client, whether that be a two-legged, a four-legged, a winged one, or one with fins. Or even a creepy-crawly.

Our responsibility is to offer a healing vibration. That is all we do, period. There are methods to do that in varied and interesting ways, but it is all we do. We offer a vibration....that is our responsibility when we do this work.

The other party, the healer, has the responsibility, if you will, to resonate with that vibration, and to entrain with it. And that is not a conscious thing, it is a natural response of one organism when it encounters another organism with a higher vibration. It's natural, part of the wonderful body intelligence that all beings have.

It's not our responsibility to heal anyone. We offer, they entrain. Period. So there can be no "failure," if we have offered in the best way we know.

Well, you offered in the most beautiful, loving and complete way! Little Chip entrained with that vibration to the highest extent possible, and was apparently well and happy. I say "apparently." We don't know that. But understand that chipmunks are small prey animals, (rodents) and that is their function in nature. Canines are hunters, as are raptors, so everyone in this scenario was fulfilling a natural role in nature. Your role was to nurture & to learn, which you did magnificently.

I hope you come back to the message board soon---we all want you to feel better and to understand that there is no blame, no fault, no failure here. The wonderful healing you offered worked! Now go forward and keep up the good work and let's see a smile, OK?

Love to you.

This message has been edited. Last edited by: Ali,

Dear Silvia,

I am sorry for your loss, but please know that you did nothing wrong - you could not have prevented what happened. It was the little guy's time to go. His time of passing was beyond your control. Life is random and death awaits everything that lives. This can be depressing to think about, but it can also be a motivation to enjoy every moment and live every moment to the fullest. You enjoyed many good moments with the little chipmunk - try to remember these! Love is never lost, and your kindness to the little creature has value in the grand scheme of things.

All the best to you,

Marian

Hi Sylvia,
All of the postings above are absolutely true and honest.
Trust them.

Now go heal something else, and get over this.Don't shoot yourself in the foot.

zeneagle

quote:

It was MY FAULT - it was MY RESPONSIBILITY to make sure he was safe and I FAILED.

We're talking about a wild animal here, are we not?
It is the cycle of life that they also die. Sorry, but it seems a little pompous to think that YOU are the one to determine when that should be. Looks like the universe/creator of all had a different idea on the matter.
This is meant kindly Silvia. I hope you come to terms with this natural event (that occurs a gazzillion times every day) and find peace.
Christina
Besides, some of us believe little Chippie is blissed out somewhere as we speak and that's where HE chose to be.

I now realize/believe that people or animals like your chipmunk have their own life plan. We tend to accept responsibility because it seems like the chipmunk is a helpless little being. That pushes us into the role of living their life for them, because they seem incapable on some level. You gave this little guy the health to rally and enjoy a lot of extra time at your home without worrying about predators. Perhaps that was his life lesson, just for a while, then he himself had an inner plan to complete his life.

Some native people realize that the prey and predator have their own agreement going on (which might look awful to us as outsiders); they see the prey animal's energy as joining the predator's in a purposeful way.

Why would your chipmunk have this plan, when it seemed like he was on the mend? Who knows?!! Maybe he was ready for the next life and life lesson? I just don't think it was your job or responsibility to keep him in this current chipmunk life.
Holly

Thank you everyone for all your kind words and support. I am feeling a little better. The hardest part for me is that I have been going through a deep depression and when this little chipmunk came into my life I felt it gave me a purpose - I had someone to care for. He was so adorable and the precious things he did just brought so much joy into my life. So when he was killed in the manner he was, the pain it cause me was not just because I felt I could have prevented it if I had been more vigiliant in making sure he could not get into my neighbor's yard, but now this joy that I had in my life had just been taken away from me. It was devastating. I was just joyfully watching him romp around in the grass and now he is dead. I really just wanted to kill myself. But now those suicidal thoughts have passed. {I am a vegetarian and have a very deep love and affinity for animals, so I am extremely sensitive when something happens to them.}

There are many animals in my yard that I feed and care for (squirrels, birds, chipmunks and sometimes rabbits and even a ground hog). So I have decided to just focus on them and make myself available when another animal needs me (this is not the first time I have assisted an injured animal).

I realize that the little chipmunk would never have been happy living confined in the cage I had for him, no matter how large. He made it clear that he wanted out and I honored that request.

Thank you again for all your kind and extremely helpful words.

Peace~
Silvia

Thanks for letting us know, Silvia.....those are wonderful words. Much love to you.

Hello Silvia.

Wow, I understand the joy you would have had with the little guy needing your care. My daughter had just rescued a baby squirrel from a pond at my parents place. The experience of taking care of the baby has brought new light to her eyes. It was sad for me to have to tell her that she would not be able to keep it as a pet and we would need to return it back to the "wild". Right now, he is eating from a medicine dropper, with enthusisim! Personally, I am not a bug fan of squirrels, but I am enjoying the little guy, even with the feedings at night.

I am curious on what you might have planned for re-introducing your guy back to the outside. If you are willing to share, we would love to hear from you.

Right now, he is in a bird cage and drinking kitten milk. We have started to introduce local fruits to his diet.

Again, as others have told you Silvia, as sad as it might have been, we are not in control of the process of life. You and the Chimmunk had a wonderful experience. I know, I see it in my daughter.

Silvia,
As you let this go and move toward others that need your care, remember plugging holes in your fence has nothing to do with being able or not to access your neighbor's yard. Many of our squirrels here just run along the top of the fence and hop from yard to yard that way or from tree to tree. Plugging the holes only closes one access. Short of living under a net if a critter wants access to the next yard they will have it.

Much love and peace your way.

Silvia,
Major Arcana card number 13: Death. This card does not predict that you or a loved one will die, but that you will go through a transformation. After all, what is death, but a transformation into the energy we began as?

Silvia - My heart goes out to you and I am sending QT and many blessings.

I don't know if this is helpful but your story reminds me of something I am working with when doing healing work - how to stay in/work from my heart with intention while also remaining detached and letting things be as they will be.

It is very challenging for me but when I can do it things go much better, healing and otherwise in my life.

A fellow animal lover -